Friday, August 22, 2008

Throw Dian from a Plane

Yes, TechTrax has been out of commission for several months now. True, it may appear that the last issue was published in June, 2007. Yes, that is the last issue date, but that one was actually published in December. Learning to be mom's primary caretaker after her stroke and heart attack was taking a toll on my time...and on me! I was lacking the ability to keep up with TechTrax as much as I should have been doing.

But by December, I thought I was finally getting things under control regarding mom, as well as dealing with my feelings about my brother...who is battling for his life from multiple cancers and a blood disease. But just as I was feeling ready to return to the world...menopause slapped me upside the head! JOY! Now we joke about this stuff all the time, right. But let me tell you...I quickly discovered that it can be no laughing matter for some women. And it appeared that I was one of those lucky ones who are blown away by this nonsense. Crazed hormones can really be frightening! And talk about your mood swings. I felt like I was manic/depressive from all the insane days I was having, not to mention the fun hot flashes and night sweats that wouldn't give me an ounce of sleep most nights.

Caretakers know, and I'd recently been learning, that you seriously have to take care of yourself if you want to have the physical and mental strength to care for someone else who is experiencing major health problems and needs your continuous attention. But it was one thing learning to handle it when I was myself, it was a whole different story when psycho hormones were taking over my body on a regular basis. If your body is so fatigued that you can hardly get out of can you deal with life's demands?

I've always been a strong person, so the realization that I was being beaten down and had little control over my abilities...thanks to Mother Nature's attempt at humor...left me even more depressed. It was one thing to have annoying hot flashes, another thing when the ability to concentrate or even think straight is a struggle.

I tried everything I could get my hands on from soy to yoga, exercise to menopause pills. Some made me feel better...some made me feel like a useless zombie. Slowly, recently, I was starting to feel a bit more alive. But I knew, for the most part, I was still just going through the motions and my motivation hadn't returned. I'd lost my passion for life. I was just doing the few things that needed to be done and didn't care about much else since I felt so useless...unable to concentrate, write, think or care. Egads...I even hardly cared about computers anymore!

It was time for drastic measures! I needed something powerful that would kick-start me back into who I was.

So I jumped out of a plane!

Don't believe me? I have pictures to prove it:

I'd never done anything so exhilarating...or crazy! When I got my butt off the ground after sliding into a landing...I felt so alive again! Talk about motivation. And for the first time in months, I was not only smiling...I was giggling my butt off!

Granted, I still have my moments and wish I was able to go skydive again whenever I was feeling a bit low. But I do have a video and lots of great memories for now...reminding me that I CAN do anything I put my mind to!

I'm currently working on an issue of TechTrax that should be ready in a few days. It may not be one of my most impressive issues, but I have to start somewhere. Then I'll immediately work on another one so I can catch up with lost issues.

And yes, Greg had great fun telling his boss that he needed the day off so he could throw me from a plane!